I would be starting this post with an apology. To my old readers, I deeply apologize. This blog has totally gone somewhat too far from its original purpose from when I started it 2 years ago. Back then, its original goal was to spread financial literacy, knowledge about entrepreneurship and to share tips on becoming successful.
While sharing tips on how to become successful is still evident in this blog, I can’t actually say so for the other two. Instead, this blog has become more and more personal to the point that I think it has actually become my online diary. So if you’re good with that, hope you continue reading and I hope you also take away some lessons from what I write.
Man Up! God created you to be a pursuer! Yes, that’s the title of today’s post. It’s actually a post primarily directed to male readers who has some concerns about manning up and pursuing that godly woman. Just a head’s up, I’m not an expert on this subject matter. I’m actually writing this down, mainly to encourage myself to finally “man-up” and start pursuing a godly woman whom I practically am praying for, for the past months.
(PS. I’ll be emphasizing on a Christian guy’s point of view on this article.)
Turning 27 this coming December, I’m actually a few years late for the usual “marry at 25 and be stable” goal of kids. (at least, that’s actually around my neighborhood when I was young. I’m not sure in other places though.) Having said that, I guess that’s where we’ll start. Why do Christian guys remain single?
Why Do Christian Guys Remain Single?
I just started attending church and became a Christian back in 2016 so I can’t fully say that I am correct with regards to this one. But I guess, these 3 reasons are the most common.
1) You are still a boy, not a man.
I believe no real woman wants to marry a kid. Women love kids yes, but to be married to a kid, I think it’s a big NO (correct me if I’m wrong). When I say kid, I’m not pertaining to a guy who still plays video games or watch anime. I’m one of those guys you see. I still love playing video games as well as watching anime.
What I’m pertaining to in this are guys in their 20s, 30s or even 40s who still acts like they’re still 18 years old. These are guys who have no job, no goal or simply no idea what they want to do with their life. These guys are those who still enjoy drinking, partying and simply wasting their time doing nothing of value throughout the day. No woman would like a guy like this; at least no woman of value that is. You can eventually meet a woman with the same characteristics, but if you’re a man of value, It won’t be worth the search.
Nevertheless, my only point here is to stop being a boy and become a man. Not the worldly man that society dictates who simply builds up his muscles, is good-looking and extremely rich; instead, become a man who God calls you to be. Be a guy who’s mature enough to handle hardships, overcome trials and make that girl joyful in any situation that you will experience together.
2) You don’t know what your calling in life is.
I’ve mentioned this over and over in past articles on this blog; “find your purpose in life”. Every one of us was created and placed in this earth to fulfill a specific purpose given by God. I remember an interpretation shared by one of my classmates in Financial Planning regarding the book of Genesis in the bible.
It about the story of creation. This story states that in the beginning there was God. From God, the earth was created. God prepared everything from the sky and sea, to the sun, moon and stars, to the lands and trees, to different creatures in land and waters. God eventually created Man to take care of the earth and later on created a woman to accompany him.
Cut the long story short, my friend pointed out 3 M’s from the story that a man needs. First, he needs a “Master” who is God. Second, was a “Mission” which is to take care of the earth and lastly, the “Mate” which is the woman who will accompany the man in taking care of the earth.
Relating this to reason number 2, before you can find your “mate” which is actually the 3rd M, you must have the other 2 M’s first. Number one, you need to know who your “master” is. It’s not money, fame, nor popularity. It is “God”. Two, you need to know what you were created for in this world to do. You need to know what your “mission” is. Think of it as something that God placed in your heart that you want to fulfill in your life here on earth. It’s your purpose; your passion, your calling.
It could be saving lives by becoming a doctor, or educating people by becoming a teacher or even a pastor. It may also not be a high earning career choice; your calling can be as simple as taking care of people around you or simply sharing the gospel to people you meet. Once you know that calling, I’m sure that the woman of God that you’re praying for will be already on her way.
3) Analysis Paralysis
I actually am struggling with this for the past years. Experiencing rejection in the past, I guess, approaching a girl I like has been totally hard for me. I believe that is what most Christian men who stay single struggles at. They are no longer boys, and they know their calling in life, but they or rather “we” are stuck in overthinking.
Guys get caught up in the dreaded “what ifs.” What is she says no? What if it’s awkward? What if things don’t work out? What if she likes someone else? What if I’m not good enough? What if she isn’t whom God prepared for me? What ifs?, what ifs? And the list goes on and on.
These are common questions that hinder men from approaching a woman. Sometimes we think that we have to have everything figured out before talking to a girl. Sometimes, as we work to become more and more Christ-like, we mistakenly think that we need to be perfect before we approach a girl.
I came to realize that being like this will get you nowhere. Why not think positive? What if she says yes? What if things do work out? What if she also feels the same? Won’t it be worth the risk?
So if Analysis Paralysis is the only reason why you are single, I encourage you man-up. Pursue that woman of God whom you are praying for. Don’t be afraid of being rejected. The worst thing that could happen is she says “no” and that’s it! Remember, if you like someone, but you don’t talk to her about it, you already have a no. Besides, if you get rejected, it’s actually just a step closer to meeting the right one for you. Take the risk and quit over thinking. Man Up! God created you to be a pursuer!
Tips on pursuing a woman.
After knowing the reasons, let’s now talk about some tips…
1) Don’t row your boat on two rivers
Be faithful to one woman; don’t give special treatment to more than 1 woman if you have already chosen someone whom you really wish to pursue. Don’t worry, you can still be a gentleman to women. You can open doors for women, help a girl carry heavy bags, or even share an umbrella to a girl when it rains, etc.
The point is, don’t spend too much time with some girl that you don’t plan on pursuing. Don’t exert too much effort to go out of your way to regularly be with a girl that you don’t plan on courting.
2) Don’t be the “pa-fall” guy to girls.
If you need to distance yourself from female friends, do so, so as not to sacrifice the friendship in the long run. Sometimes, one major mistake that guys commit is that we become too close to a girl especially if you are able to spend more time with them. They could be your workmates, neighbors or even girls from your circle of friends. Sometimes we get too comfortable with them that we miss to realize that we are exceeding the limit on how we should treat them.
Because of this, they could eventually develop feelings for you. It’s good if the one who develops those feelings is the one whom you plan to pursue in the long run. However, if she’s not, that’s where things somehow get complicated. Misunderstandings could occur and this could lead to friendships being destroyed and heartaches. This is what we are trying to avoid.
3) Lay down your intentions clearly.
If you’ve already established friendship with her, and you are already sure about what you feel, then it’s time to make a move. Man-up! Lay down your intentions towards that woman. Love is not a guessing game. It’s hard to assume or guess what the other person is thinking or feeling. Be clear with your intentions.
Don’t you think that you are being unfair to her if you keep your feelings a secret? Doesn’t she also deserve to know what you feel? If you fear the outcome of laying down your intentions towards the girl, could you say that it’s really love? Oftentimes, we think too much about ourselves that we forget that the other person also has a right to know what we feel.
Also, you can’t say that you love if you are not willing to take a risk. Remember, love is not love if there are no risks involved. There is always a risk but don’t be scared. Risk is part of loving, accept it.
When Jesus was crucified on the cross because of His love for us, there was the risk that we won’t love him back and more so accept him as our Lord and Savior. But despite that risk, he continued to die for us because of love. Love does not mind the risk involved. 🙂
As 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Yes, yes, sometimes it could be scary because there is that chance that things won’t work out for the first time, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. CS Lewis even mentioned on his book “The Four Loves”:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
So go! Be vulnerable, move forward in the fear of God and just give it a shot. Just be a man.
“Man Up! God created you to be a pursuer!”
I hope this article taught you something about how to achieve success.
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I Struggle, I Win!